Are you everything to everyone? Are you like many moms when you’re asked “how are you?” your answer is “I’m exhausted, stressed, burned out!”
Mommy burnout is a real thing. And it’s been ignited by the strange, uncertain and stressful time we all find ourselves in right now. Living with this unprecedented pressure, not to mention all the other aspects of modern life like updating your Pinterest and Instagram to show you’ve still got it together, keeping your kids and family on task, managing schedules, appointments and social engagements (or lack thereof), feeling guilt for not having the most neat and tidy home, and failing to keep your kids from crashing in on your Zoom meetings……. It’s a recipe for disaster. No wonder you feel exhausted, irritated and lonely. How the heck are you supposed to do it all? Well, you can’t do it all. And you shouldn’t.
Many years ago, my husband and I went to marriage counseling. Our relationship was in real trouble. I really wanted to break it to him in counseling that I was done. I wanted a divorce. One session sticks to me like a thorn embedded in a tube sock. I poured my heart out, expressed my pain and anger, and waited for validation. The counselor said to me, “You sound like a high functioning female.” What? WHAT?!
It stopped me dead in my tracks. I felt like I sat there for an hour mulling over what she had just said. Was it a compliment? Was it an insult? I’ve told this story to all my girlfriends, who are moms, because so many of us can claim that title. But it’s not a good title to hold.
I had to take a deep, dark look at how I chose to be a woman, a wife and a mother. I knew growing up in an alcoholic family made me more controlling. It was my coping style. Being controling was how I felt safe. But as an adult, it was a detriment. I desperately needed help, but then I’d nit pick about how they did the work, or judged and criticised. I really couldn’t have it both ways.
Setting Boundaries. Now there’s so much more to the story with the counselor, but I wanted to share a small part of how I started to set boundaries, let go and trust, and choose to make myself a priority. I started to discover the healing of self love and self compassion.
Choice is the magic word. You have a choice. I realized that controlling everything was how I created a sense of safety. I also recognized how I set myself up for feeling like a victim. I allowed the “doing” to be the way I rated my self worth. Oh my goddess, what a revelation!
So, dear momma, how do you feel your worth? How do you set boundaries? Here’s a great illustration to help you.
Now, I want you to know and feel, deep down in your heart, what a gift you are. You’re a woman, a mother, a creative force in the universe. Not to get all woo-woo on you, because I can go there…..you’re worthy, lovable, and powerful! Oh my gosh, you’re so powerful!
I ask you, dear momma:
- How are you going to transcend the “high functioning female” label?
- How are you going to allow others to help you, however imperfect their help is?
- How are you going to stop being a people pleaser and say “no”?
I’d love to know how you’re creating positive, lasting changes by recognizing you have a choice!