How do working moms do it?

If you’re working mama, I’m taking a deep bow in reverence for you. You’re the backbone of your family, whether you realize it or not. So that’s the question I get all the time, how do working moms do it? If you’re paying attention to the news, you’re recognizing that over 2 million working mothers have left the workforce due to this pandemic. It’s no surprise that working moms are struggling even more right now.

The truth is, moms have always had to deal with the stress and overwhelm from what’s called the mother-lode.

The mother-lode is a great term. It’s not my term. I wish I had coined, because it really does sum up what moms are going through. Allow me to give you a brief glimpse into the day and life of a mom. She handles, because many of the things she handles fly under the radar:

• laundry
• shopping
• cooking
• 15 hours more a week than her partner in domestic duties like cleaning
• keep schedules organized
• schedule medical/dental appointments for the family
• take the family to medical/dental appointment
• support aging parents
• be the emotional and mental nurturer in the family
• discipline
• pet care

Here’s the real kicker, on top of it all of the family responsibilities,working moms are also handling all the responsibilities that come with their professional life.

So how do working moms do it? Sadly, most of the time it comes at the expense of their self-care and well-being. I’m standing on my soapbox now, advocating for moms everywhere. I’m devoted to helping moms bring in some more self-care into their life, and help them lighten their mother-load. First, moms are gonna need to recognize how much pressure the unrealistic standards of motherhood and society put on them. Awareness is the precursor to change. Once a moms realizes, truly gets how lopsided her situation is, she’ll want to make changes lightening fast. 

Requiring everyone to help even if they whine, including your partner.

Mom, this is the moment of reckoning. Recognize that you want and need. When I really sat with myself to review all that I do, because of expectations that it’s what a mom is “supposed to do.” First, I screamed into a pillow. I do that a lot. It’s part of my grief cycle. Then I got angry. Then I realized I’ve been a part of this illusion, so…instead of feeling like a victim or a martyr, I made a declaration to myself that I would take an active roll in turning this ship around. 

I want you to repeat this sentence,

“Here’s how you can help me today.” Say it again, “Here’s how you can help me today.”

Not “can” you help me, because you’re not requesting, your commanding. It’s a totally different mindset shift. I’ve drilled this phrase into my kid’s heads.

“Hey momma, how can I help you today?”

Here’s a great story that turned into a metaphor for me. My family and I went to Disneyland many many years ago. If you’ve been you know how impeccably clean it is, and how everything is designed for the best experience. It’s beautiful and perfect, everything is in his place. I often thought, “how the heck to they do all this when the park is open 365 days a year?” Well, I got my answer that night. My husband and son jumped on the Indiana Jones ride just before the parked closed, and infamous for that ride, they got stuck on if for over 45 minutes. I waited outside the ride for them to be escorted out. The park had officially closed. All of a sudden, hundreds of workers started coming out of the wood works. They were coming out of secret doors and alleyways. It was a bit eerie. They were the behind-the-scenes crew that maintained the brilliance of the Disneyland experience. I had a huge epiphanie. Being a mom is like the secret workforce at Disneyland. Moms go the extra mile to create beautiful experiences for your family. Think about all the behind-the-scenes work it takes to give your family, and sometimes even friends and coworkers, glorious parties, holidays, vacations, you name it.  It’s just one of the ways you ove up on them. You family doesn’t have any idea how much work it takes.

What you give dear momma is a real gift, a treasurer, so please…give yourself the gift of more support. You really deserve it. In my heart of hearts, I want you to have at least two, luxurious hours to yourself a week for “me time.”

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