Sex Education: What is the G-spot?

Women have a certain sensitive spot inside the vagina, a cluster of tissue surrounding the urethra, which can be felt and stimulated through the vaginal wall. This tissue first swells under intense stimulation and then contributes to a specially intense orgasmic release. Anatomically, this sensitive area has now become known as the “Gräfenberg spot,” after Ernst Gräfenberg who first described it in 1950. It is more commonly called the g-spot.

Many women report that g-spot stimulation results in different feeling orgasm compared to orgasms through clitoral stimulation.

To learn more about the g-spot, click here and watch myself and other sexuality experts in a three-part series on YouTube called G-Spot Chronicles.

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Sex Coaching: Testimonials and Recommendations

By: Pamela Rogers

This week I thought I would give myself a little pat on the back and share a few comments about what others have said about my approach to sex therapy.

Warmly,

Dr. Pamela

“It was a pleasure working with Pamela. She has a comprehensive knowledge of human sexuality and does a great job in applying her knowledge to the actual case. During her sessions, she creates an atmosphere where my partner and I felt at ease to talk about sensitive sexual concerns. She is very focused on her clients’ needs and her action-oriented approach helped us to overcome old behavioral patterns and sexual blockades.
I can highly recommend her to anyone who would like to explore the various aspects of sexuality and the many ways you can receive and give pleasure. She is a great facilitator for re-framing and refreshing the sensual aspects of life.”
-Anonymous Female Client J who had a low level of sexual desire

“Thank you so much for all you have taught me about true male sexuality and the techniques you gave me to help resolve my problem.  Although I know I still have a mountain to climb, knowing you are only a phone call away will make it so much easier.”

- Male Client J who ejaculated quicker than he preferred, and whose wife had little interest in sex and refused to come to therapy.

“I commend your contribution to eradicating the erotic ignorance that plagues us in the Western World. I hope you are receiving great joy from offering people the freedom of permission in their erotic life.”
- Godfrey Silas, MA; Documentary Film and Television Producer. http://www.glamourtelevision.com/

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Sex Education: Over the Counter Birth Control Methods

By: Pamela Rogers

When most people think of birth control they think of the “pill”.   The pill, while a wonderful option, requires a prescription which can be expensive, teens may be reluctant to go to a doctor to ask for the prescription, and some women want non-hormonal birth control options.  Luckily there are two forms of birth control that you can purchase at your local drugstore, the sponge and spermicides/foams.  Below is information to help you understand the benefits and concerns of each to help you decide if either of these is an option for you.

PLEASE NOTE: Neither offers protection from sexually transmitted infections, so both should be used in combination with a condom.

Warmly,

Dr. Pamela

The Sponge
How it works
• The Sponge contains a spermicide to kill sperm (Nonoxynol 9)

How it’s used
• The Sponge is placed inside the vagina over the cervix where it acts as a barrier
• It absorbs and disables sperm
• It is effective for up to 12 hours

Benefits
• Does not contain hormones
• Can be used by women who smoke or are breast feeding
• Can be inserted up to 24 hours before intercourse

Concerns
• Does not protect against STIs/HIV
• Sponge users may experience vaginal infection or irritation
• Some people may be allergic to the spermicide
• If the sponge is left in the vagina for excessive periods of time, symptoms of toxic shock may appear.

Effectiveness: 91% for women who have never given birth; 80% for women who have given birth

Failure Rate: 16% for women who have never given birth; 29% for women who have given birth

**Very effective when used with condoms

Spermicide Foams, Creams and Jellies

How it works
• Contains a spermicide to disable sperm (Nonoxynol 9)

How it’s used
• Inserted into the vagina
• It absorbs and disables sperm

Benefits
• Does not contain hormones
• Can be used by women who smoke or are breast feeding
• May also provide lubrication
• Inexpensive

Concerns
• Does not protect against STIs
• Some people may be allergic to the spermicide
• Can be messy

Effectiveness: 82%
Failure Rate: 29%

**Very effective when used with condoms

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Relationship Counseling: Sex Addiction

By: Pamela Rogers

A friend recently asked me about my opinion on what exactly is sex addiction.  He had a friend who was in a relationship and the partner claimed he was a sex addict because of the discrepancy in how often they wanted to have sexual contact. Here is how I responded.

Unlike smoking or eating, there are no scientific studies that show a causal or correlative relationship between amount of sexual activity and any mental or physical impairment. There is no such thing as sex addiction. It is a term made up by people who saw a way to make a lot of money based on people’s fear and hang-ups about sex.  I won’t write much more as Dr. Marty Klein has already written a terrific article summarizing the facts.  Here is a link to the article on the topic and I highly recommend his book “America’s War on Sex”.

Click here for article

Also there is a joke about the term.  Q. What is definition of a sex addict?  A. Anyone who is having more sex than you!

Warmly,

Dr. Pamela

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Relationship Counseling Exercise: Understanding and Communicating your Needs

By: Pamela Rogers

A common problems that faces couples is that they have differences in arousal times.  In other words, they differ in when they want to have sex.  A way to overcome this is to understand what factors put you in the mood, communicate those factors or conditions to your partner and then put them into practice.

The following exercise is designed to help you do this.

Compare two or three sexual experiences in which you were highly aroused with an equal number where you were much less aroused and list all the factors that differ between the two groups.

An example might be: “High arousal, I was rested, felt close to my partner, wasn’t preoccupied with work, wasn’t in a hurry”. Low arousal, “I was distant from my partner because we were fighting, was preoccupied (had a presentation the next day and wanted to be on the computer instead of kissing her)”.

The items in your high arousal list are the conditions that put you in the mood. It is important that you be specific as possible.

Consider these areas: physical health, amount of anxiety or tension, use of alcohol or drugs, how much time you had, whether you were preoccupied with other things, fears about performance, pregnancy or disease, your feelings about your partner, especially closeness, anger or resentment, your feelings about yourself, and your confidence.

When you have finished with the list put it away for a day or two, then reread it and see if there is anything you want to change.

You and your partner should share your lists with each other and then decide how you will incorporate them into your life.

Warmly,

Dr. Pamela

Adapted from the book The New Male Sexuality.

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Sex Education: A Woman’s Right to Chose

By: Pamela Rogers

During Sunday’s Super Bowl, CBS chose to accept money from a right wing Christian group and run an anti-choice ad.  As many of you may have heard, the ad featured football player Tim Tebow and his mom talking about a deeply personal medical decision she made years ago.   She decided to continue with a high risk pregnancy.  As the ad was supposed to be a persuasion to not have an abortion, Planned Parenthood  was flooded with questions about their reaction.  They had a great response as printed in their February e-newsletter.  Here is an excerpt:

“People have been asking us at Planned Parenthood what we think about the ad and Mrs. Tebow’s decision. It’s simple. Planned Parenthood respects the right of every woman to make important medical decisions for herself.

Mrs. Tebow weighed medical and moral considerations and decided what was right for her. She made her choice in private, and without government interference. That’s exactly what we want every woman to be able to do…..That’s the way it should be. And that should be our shared goal — on Super Bowl Sunday and every day.”

The commercial in question was so vaguely worded I could not even tell I was watching an anti-choice ad, although I knew I was.  I am just glad that the group in question has a few million dollars less to spend on such endeavors.

Warmly,

Dr. Pamela

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Sex Education: Facts about Female Sexuality

In my practice, I work with a lot of women and couples who don’t know facts about the basics of female sexuality.  Or the women intutively know these things when we discuss them in private, but express that they wish somone with the expertise in the subject would tell their partners.  So let’s end the ignorance and understand how women work when it comes to arousal and orgasm, how sexual message affect them, how connection impacts their sexuality, and their top sexual concerns. I realize that many of these statements could also apply to men also, and it is not meant as a blanket generalization of all women.  The statements are based on a variety of reseash sources, but I am most indebted to the research of Carol Ellison, Gina Ogden and Patti Britton

Arousal/Orgasm

 ·        Women need more time to get aroused.  On average, for men it is 4-5 minutes and women 20-25 minutes.

·        Most women need direct clitoral stimulation for an elongated period of time.

·        Most women get to orgasmic inevitability but don’t realize they need to focus and tense to actually have the orgasm. 

·        With partner sex, a woman’s sexual experience is more satisfying when she knows her partner will provides the physical stimulation she needs.

·        Women are more likely to reach orgasm through masturbation than intercourse.

·        Women are more likely to reach orgasm through manual or oral stimulation than intercourse.

 

Sexual Messages

·        Most women have something they don’t like about their bodies.  This can prevent them from enjoying sex.

·        Many women were sent messages that their genitals were dirty and they shouldn’t touch down.

·        Women are taught that they are givers and should focus on making others happy first.  This can impede their ability to receive and respond to touch.

 

Connection / Intimacy

·        Female sexual satisfaction is related to knowing that her partner accepts her desires and preferences.

·        Many women need to feel connected to their partner in order to enjoy sex.

·        Women fantasize more when their sex lives are good.  Men fantasize more when their sex lives are bad.

·        Sex is about creating mutual erotic pleasure, not just intercourse.

 

Sexual Concerns

·        Low or lack of desire is the number one leading trend for women.

·        Many couples have a discrepancy in there desire levels (i.e., how often to have sex).

·        Many couples have differences in arousal time (i.e., when they want to have sex).

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Sex Coaching Tip: The Benefits of Sex (Part 2)

By: Pamela Rogers

Many of my clients can’t seem to find the time to have sex.  Most often they say they are too tired because of their busy lives.  Other reasons include differing schedules with a partner, children need taken care of, friends or family are visiting overnight, or just not in the mood.  But sexual expression has many positive physical intellectual, emotional, and social benefits.  You need to make time for it, just as you would any other activity.  Last week I posted some benefits of sexual activity based on scientific reasearch.  Here are some additionsl findings that should, hopefully, get you in the mood.

• Regular intimate sexual activity with a partner promotes fertility by regulating menstrual patterns.
• Studies have also shown that the quality of sperm motility decreases with abstinence — in healthy men these declines can take effect after only five days of abstinence.
• Use it or lose it: Women who continue to be sexually active after they reach menopause — either with a partner or through masturbation — are less likely to have significant vaginal atrophy, and are more likely to report sufficient vaginal lubrication.
• Sexual experience and satisfaction are closely correlated with overall quality of life: there is an increase in sense of well being and personal satisfaction.
• Sexual activity is negatively associated with risk and incidence of psychiatric illness, depression, and suicide.
• Sexual activity and orgasm reduces stress.
• Consistent mutual sexual pleasure increases bonding within a relationship.
• Masturbation has also been correlated with greater relational and sexual satisfaction — a study of young married women found that those who reported masturbating also reported greater marital satisfaction.
• It has also been demonstrated that coupled partners have increased relationship satisfaction when they fulfill one another’s sexual desire. Sexual satisfaction is also associated with the stability of relationships.  

So now you have no excuses!  Whether by yourself or with a partner, make time for sexual play this week. 

Warmly,

Dr. Pamela

 

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Sex Coaching Tip: The Benefits of Sex (Part 1)

By: Pamela Rogers

Our society tends to be alarmist about sex and emphasizes negative factors such as disease, unwanted pregnancies, and pedophiles.  But sex is about pleasure.  Sexual expression has many positive physical intellectual, emotional, and social benefits.  Here are some interesting (and scientific) research findings. 

• People who remain sexually active live longer.
• Being sexually active decreases your chance of having heart disease.  This is due to oxytocin which is produced during arousal and orgasm.
• In men, high frequency of ejaculation (more than 21 x per month) decreases risk of prostate cancer.
• Research has shown that sexual activity and orgasm may bolster the immune system in women and men.
• One of the strongest correlates of youthful appearance is an active sex life.
• Sexual activity does burn calories and fat, and it has been suggested that people with active sex lives tend to exercise more frequently and have better dietary habits than those who are less sexually active.
• Likewise, physical fitness can improve sexual health.
• Sexual activity and orgasm during menstruation has a potentially protective effect against endometriosis.

So the next time you hear something negative about sex, remember that there are far more positive and life affirming truths.

Next week, more benefits to “getting it on”.

Warmly,

Dr. Pamela

 

 

 

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Sex Education: Differences in Lubrication Products

By: Pamela Rogers

As a sex coach and sex educator, people often ask me about using lubricants.  They often think that it creates an artificial situation or they are confused about which one to use as there are five different types.  Well for the first concern, a main rule of thumb is “wetter is better”.  You would use lubricants to: 

1.      To increase satisfaction, especially with condom use.

2.      To decrease painful friction due to lack of natural lubrication from vaginal and/or anal orifices.

3.      With sex toys or as a sex toy itself.

4.      As a way of stimulating the genitals, thus increasing the amount of time the body has to create some of its own lube.

5.      To change the taste of things.

As for the second issue, let me break it down for you.

PETROLEUM BASED LUBRICANTS:

These are the most common because it is the easiest lubrication to get a hold of.  Realize though that the body doesn’t really enjoy it being placed internally as it takes a while to clear out of the system. 

Types: Mineral Oil, Vaseline, Stroke 29, Jack Off

Cons: Destroys latex condoms, irritates vulvas, stains fabric.  

Pros: Great for external male masturbation, cheap and easily accessible.

 

NATURAL OIL BASED LUBRICANT

The rule of thumb on this is one, generally, if you can eat it, it is safe to go inside the vagina. The body can clear out natural oils more easily than petroleum based lubricants.

Types: Vegetable/Corn/Avocado/Peanut/Olive Oils. Butter and Crisco

Cons: Destroys latex condoms, stains fabric, can easily be confused with petroleum based lubricants.

Pro: Great for genital massages, safe for the vagina, safe to eat, good for all forms of sexual play, cheap and easily accessible.

 

WATER BASED LUBRICANTS WITH GLYCERIN

This is the most commonly sold lubricants in supermarkets/drug stores. Glycerin is added to most water based lubes and produces a slightly sweet taste.  Synthetic glycerin can trigger yeast infections in women who are prone to them.

Types: Astroglide, KY Liquid/Jelly, Embrace, Frixxion, Wet, Good Head, Wet

Flavors ID, REPLENS and Liquibeads (suppositories for dry vaginal walls)

Cons: Dries out quickly, often sticky or tacky, can trigger yeast infections.

Pros: Most recommended, easy to find, cheap, does not stain fabric, safe to

use with latex condoms.

 

WATER BASED LUBRICANTS WITHOUT GLYCERIN

If a woman is complaining of recurrent yeast infections, this is one type of lubricant to recommend to her.

Types: Maximus, Liquid Silk, Slippery Stuff, Oh My, Sensual Organics, Probe, Carrageenan

Cons: Can have a bitter taste due to the absence of glycerin, usually only found at adult stores or online.

Pros: Lasts longer than lubricants with glycerin, can reduce irritation to the genitals, does not stain fabric, and is safe with latex condoms.

 

SILICONE LUBRICANTS

Created by massage therapists, silicone lubrication lasts the longest out of all lubricants on the market and is safe to use with condoms. Some people are concerned that silicone lubricant is hazardous because they are comparing it to the silicone used in breast implants.  Silicone lubrication cannot penetrate the skin, so there is no risk of silicone lubrication causing the kinds of damage that can result from silicone implants.

Types: Eros, Wet Platinum, Id Millennium, Pink, Gun Oil

Cons: Expensive, cannot use with silicone or Cyber Skin sex toys, difficult to find (online or adult stores only), must be washed off with soap and water if too much is used.

Pros: A little goes a long way, great for sensitive genitals, feels like petroleum lubricant but is safe for condoms as well as internal use, stays on underwater, is odorless and tasteless, lasts 3x as long as water based lubricants.

In conclusion, products you find in your house may be suitable for sex play, but it can be difficult to determine which ones are or aren’t. When in doubt, go and buy some lubrication; if you don’t have an adult store near you, look for lubrication which is sold near the condoms in your local drugstore or grocery store. Know what type of play you are having as certain lubes work better for certain types of sex.

 

Warmly,

Dr. Pamela

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