Sex Education: What is the G-spot?
May 3, 2010
Women have a certain sensitive spot inside the vagina, a cluster of tissue surrounding the urethra, which can be felt and stimulated through the vaginal wall. This tissue first swells under intense stimulation and then contributes to a specially intense orgasmic release. Anatomically, this sensitive area has now become known as the “Gräfenberg spot,” after Ernst Gräfenberg who first described it in 1950. It is more commonly called the g-spot.
Many women report that g-spot stimulation results in different feeling orgasm compared to orgasms through clitoral stimulation.
To learn more about the g-spot, click here and watch myself and other sexuality experts in a three-part series on YouTube called G-Spot Chronicles.
Sex Education: Over the Counter Birth Control Methods
April 7, 2010
By: Pamela Rogers
When most people think of birth control they think of the “pill”. The pill, while a wonderful option, requires a prescription which can be expensive, teens may be reluctant to go to a doctor to ask for the prescription, and some women want non-hormonal birth control options. Luckily there are two forms of birth control that you can purchase at your local drugstore, the sponge and spermicides/foams. Below is information to help you understand the benefits and concerns of each to help you decide if either of these is an option for you.
PLEASE NOTE: Neither offers protection from sexually transmitted infections, so both should be used in combination with a condom.
Warmly,
Dr. Pamela
The Sponge
How it works
• The Sponge contains a spermicide to kill sperm (Nonoxynol 9)
How it’s used
• The Sponge is placed inside the vagina over the cervix where it acts as a barrier
• It absorbs and disables sperm
• It is effective for up to 12 hours
Benefits
• Does not contain hormones
• Can be used by women who smoke or are breast feeding
• Can be inserted up to 24 hours before intercourse
Concerns
• Does not protect against STIs/HIV
• Sponge users may experience vaginal infection or irritation
• Some people may be allergic to the spermicide
• If the sponge is left in the vagina for excessive periods of time, symptoms of toxic shock may appear.
Effectiveness: 91% for women who have never given birth; 80% for women who have given birth
Failure Rate: 16% for women who have never given birth; 29% for women who have given birth
**Very effective when used with condoms
Spermicide Foams, Creams and Jellies
How it works
• Contains a spermicide to disable sperm (Nonoxynol 9)
How it’s used
• Inserted into the vagina
• It absorbs and disables sperm
Benefits
• Does not contain hormones
• Can be used by women who smoke or are breast feeding
• May also provide lubrication
• Inexpensive
Concerns
• Does not protect against STIs
• Some people may be allergic to the spermicide
• Can be messy
Effectiveness: 82%
Failure Rate: 29%
**Very effective when used with condoms
Sex Education: Facts about Female Sexuality
February 1, 2010
In my practice, I work with a lot of women and couples who don’t know facts about the basics of female sexuality. Or the women intutively know these things when we discuss them in private, but express that they wish somone with the expertise in the subject would tell their partners. So let’s end the ignorance and understand how women work when it comes to arousal and orgasm, how sexual message affect them, how connection impacts their sexuality, and their top sexual concerns. I realize that many of these statements could also apply to men also, and it is not meant as a blanket generalization of all women. The statements are based on a variety of reseash sources, but I am most indebted to the research of Carol Ellison, Gina Ogden and Patti Britton
Arousal/Orgasm
· Women need more time to get aroused. On average, for men it is 4-5 minutes and women 20-25 minutes.
· Most women need direct clitoral stimulation for an elongated period of time.
· Most women get to orgasmic inevitability but don’t realize they need to focus and tense to actually have the orgasm.
· With partner sex, a woman’s sexual experience is more satisfying when she knows her partner will provides the physical stimulation she needs.
· Women are more likely to reach orgasm through masturbation than intercourse.
· Women are more likely to reach orgasm through manual or oral stimulation than intercourse.
Sexual Messages
· Most women have something they don’t like about their bodies. This can prevent them from enjoying sex.
· Many women were sent messages that their genitals were dirty and they shouldn’t touch down.
· Women are taught that they are givers and should focus on making others happy first. This can impede their ability to receive and respond to touch.
Connection / Intimacy
· Female sexual satisfaction is related to knowing that her partner accepts her desires and preferences.
· Many women need to feel connected to their partner in order to enjoy sex.
· Women fantasize more when their sex lives are good. Men fantasize more when their sex lives are bad.
· Sex is about creating mutual erotic pleasure, not just intercourse.
Sexual Concerns
· Low or lack of desire is the number one leading trend for women.
· Many couples have a discrepancy in there desire levels (i.e., how often to have sex).
· Many couples have differences in arousal time (i.e., when they want to have sex).
Sex Education: Differences in Lubrication Products
January 6, 2010
By: Pamela Rogers
As a sex coach and sex educator, people often ask me about using lubricants. They often think that it creates an artificial situation or they are confused about which one to use as there are five different types. Well for the first concern, a main rule of thumb is “wetter is better”. You would use lubricants to:
1. To increase satisfaction, especially with condom use.
2. To decrease painful friction due to lack of natural lubrication from vaginal and/or anal orifices.
3. With sex toys or as a sex toy itself.
4. As a way of stimulating the genitals, thus increasing the amount of time the body has to create some of its own lube.
5. To change the taste of things.
As for the second issue, let me break it down for you.
PETROLEUM BASED LUBRICANTS:
These are the most common because it is the easiest lubrication to get a hold of. Realize though that the body doesn’t really enjoy it being placed internally as it takes a while to clear out of the system.
Types: Mineral Oil, Vaseline, Stroke 29, Jack Off
Cons: Destroys latex condoms, irritates vulvas, stains fabric.
Pros: Great for external male masturbation, cheap and easily accessible.
NATURAL OIL BASED LUBRICANT
The rule of thumb on this is one, generally, if you can eat it, it is safe to go inside the vagina. The body can clear out natural oils more easily than petroleum based lubricants.
Types: Vegetable/Corn/Avocado/Peanut/Olive Oils. Butter and Crisco
Cons: Destroys latex condoms, stains fabric, can easily be confused with petroleum based lubricants.
Pro: Great for genital massages, safe for the vagina, safe to eat, good for all forms of sexual play, cheap and easily accessible.
WATER BASED LUBRICANTS WITH GLYCERIN
This is the most commonly sold lubricants in supermarkets/drug stores. Glycerin is added to most water based lubes and produces a slightly sweet taste. Synthetic glycerin can trigger yeast infections in women who are prone to them.
Types: Astroglide, KY Liquid/Jelly, Embrace, Frixxion, Wet, Good Head, Wet
Flavors ID, REPLENS and Liquibeads (suppositories for dry vaginal walls)
Cons: Dries out quickly, often sticky or tacky, can trigger yeast infections.
Pros: Most recommended, easy to find, cheap, does not stain fabric, safe to
use with latex condoms.
WATER BASED LUBRICANTS WITHOUT GLYCERIN
If a woman is complaining of recurrent yeast infections, this is one type of lubricant to recommend to her.
Types: Maximus, Liquid Silk, Slippery Stuff, Oh My, Sensual Organics, Probe, Carrageenan
Cons: Can have a bitter taste due to the absence of glycerin, usually only found at adult stores or online.
Pros: Lasts longer than lubricants with glycerin, can reduce irritation to the genitals, does not stain fabric, and is safe with latex condoms.
SILICONE LUBRICANTS
Created by massage therapists, silicone lubrication lasts the longest out of all lubricants on the market and is safe to use with condoms. Some people are concerned that silicone lubricant is hazardous because they are comparing it to the silicone used in breast implants. Silicone lubrication cannot penetrate the skin, so there is no risk of silicone lubrication causing the kinds of damage that can result from silicone implants.
Types: Eros, Wet Platinum, Id Millennium, Pink, Gun Oil
Cons: Expensive, cannot use with silicone or Cyber Skin sex toys, difficult to find (online or adult stores only), must be washed off with soap and water if too much is used.
Pros: A little goes a long way, great for sensitive genitals, feels like petroleum lubricant but is safe for condoms as well as internal use, stays on underwater, is odorless and tasteless, lasts 3x as long as water based lubricants.
In conclusion, products you find in your house may be suitable for sex play, but it can be difficult to determine which ones are or aren’t. When in doubt, go and buy some lubrication; if you don’t have an adult store near you, look for lubrication which is sold near the condoms in your local drugstore or grocery store. Know what type of play you are having as certain lubes work better for certain types of sex.
Warmly,
Dr. Pamela
Sex and Marketing: Does Something Smell Fishy?
December 30, 2009
I was recently in Florida visiting family and their friends. We were going to the beach when we passed by a fishing store. As most of the people in the car were into fishing, we had to stop. In huge letters on the side of the building was the name of the store. It was written like this.
MASTER
Bait and Tackle
Read the name and pause after the first word. Now read the name three times fast. Well when we drove by, I read the name the first way while everyone else in the car read it the second way and burst out in fits of giggles. More fits of giggles came when everyone realized it took me a while to get it, given what I do for a living.
Customers were having employees take their picture next to the giant sign, and people with me were making jokes about not going into the store as they had eaten oysters the night before.
Once we were in the store, in addition to all the rods, reels and worms, there was a huge selection of merchandise for sale. T-shorts, shorts, beer cozies, and magnets had the name of the store. Some also had tag lines which included “You can’t beat our bait” and “Going down since 1994”. I have to admit it was pretty funny and the name was bringing people into the store.
We have a hard time talking about sex in a serious way, but boy we can sure use it for creative marketing. (Or maybe not. Out of five of us, only one person bought something and that was a beer cozy. We did get a great photo, though!).
Hope you are enjoying the Holidays,
Dr. Pamela
Sex Education: What Teens Want
December 2, 2009
By: Pamela Rogers
The research is clear now that abstinence-only sex education isn’t working (click here), although that isn’t stopping conservatives in our government from pushing for it’s funding. You hear parents stating that they should be responsible for educating their kids about sex. That’s great, but too many parents are embarrassed, don’t know how to start the conversation, and may have limited knowledge about sexuality themselves.
But how do teens want to be educated? Interestingly, a recent survey of 1,250 teens from diverse backgrounds in Toronto found that although young men and women are most likely to get sexual health information from their friends, they would prefer to get the information from professional sources, such as doctors, nurses and teachers. The study also found that the areas where they wanted the most information was how to have a healthy relationship, HIV/AIDS, and sexual pleasure.
I had the pleasure of teaching sex education to at-risk youth and was lucky not to be under any federal requirements. The focus was on having an open dialogue and the students learning how to make the right choices for themselves. Topics included not only anatomy, safe sex and contraception, but also broader conceptions of sexuality, sexual preferences, masturbation, hooking-up, sexual pleasure outside of intercourse, and the importance of communication before becoming sexual with a partner.
When I asked for anonymous feedback from the students, the overwhelming positive reaction was for the group discussions. Not surprisingly, providing a non-judgemental and open environment to discuss their opinions and concerns made for the richest learning experience.
Sex Education: Male External Genitals – The Penis and the Scrotum
October 19, 2009
By: Pamela D. Rogers
Today’s anatomy lesson is on the male external genitals. These consist of the penis (the head and the shaft) and the scrotum.
The PENIS is a tube like organ which contains erectile tissue. There are three elongated spongy bodies inside the penis which extend through its entire length-two running parallel on top and one running along the underside. The one on the underside contains the urethra where urine and semen are released. During sexual arousal, arteries can quickly fill these spongy bodies with blood, thus causing them to stiffen. As a result, the penis becomes erect.
The GLANS is the head of the penis. The glans is usually covered by the prepuce unless the penis is erect, except in circumcised men, whose foreskin has been surgically removed. The glans is highly sensitive to touch.
The CORONAL RIDGE is a circular ridge of flesh demarcating where the head of the penis and the shaft join.
The FRENULUM is a thin strip of flesh on the underside of the penis that connects the shaft to the head. Many men report very pleasurable feeling when this part of the penis is touched.
The FORESKIN is a roll of skin which covers the head of the penis. It is rich in nerve endings. Surgical excision (removal) of the foreskin of men is called circumcision.
Finally, the SCROTUM is a bag or pouch of skin which contains the testicles, and which hangs between the thighs at the base of the penis. Inside the scrotum there are two separate compartments, each of which contains one testicle and its spermatic cord.
Tonight, why don’t you look at your or your partner’s penis, identify each part and see how sensitive each one is to touch. You may have some surprising results!
The BIG question: Does penis size matter?
This is probably one of the most frequently asked questions and it is too bad, because it’s really a pointless question. Penis size is important if and only if you think it is. If you feel your penis should be larger, then penis size is important to you, and only to you. If you have sex with men and you desire a large penis, then penis size is important to you, and only to you.
To see pictures of real-life penises of all shapes and sizes click here. NOTE: You must be 18 years of age or over to enter.
Sex Education: The Female Genitals
October 12, 2009
By: Dr. Pamela D. Rogers 2009-10-12
This week and next I will be discussing a part of our bodies that may or not be familiar to you, the male and female external genitals. This week let’s start with female anatomy. First, the name is vulva. Most people mistakenly call the external genitals the vagina or worse yet, thanks to Oprah, the va-ja-ja. Actually, the vagina is an internal muscular tube about 31/2 inches long extending from the cervix to the external opening of the correct term, the vulva. And yes, society would have been better served if the play was titled “The Vulva Monologues”.
Because of the placement of the female genitals, many women have never seen their external genitals (while conversely men are taught from potty training to handle their penis).
So what is exactly “down there”?
First, on our sex education journey is the MONS. The mons is the layer of fatty tissue which covers the pubic bone.
Secondly, the vulva consists of the OUTER LIPS (labia majora). The outer lips are two thick and fatty folds of skin which extend from the monsdownward, forming the outer borders of the vulva.
Just beneath the outer lips are the INNER LIPS (labia minora). These are two thin folds of skin richly endowed with blood vessels and nerve endings. As a result, they are quite sensitive to the touch. The minor lips merge at the top forming a single fold of skin covering the clitoris, also called the clitoral hood.
Now to an amazing body part – the Clitoris (“the clit”). The clitoris is located below the mons at the point where the minor lips meet. The clitoris is a short cylindrical organ composed mainly of erectile tissue which can quickly fill with blood and thus cause the entire organ to stiffen and increase in size. It is analogous to the penis and is the ONLY human body part whose sole purpose is to produce pleasure. Men have a penis for pleasure, but it is also used for urination. Thus, the clitoris has an essential role in a woman’s sexual excitement. Aren’t women extraordinary!
Lastly, on our exploration is the VAGINAL OPENING. The vaginal opening is the entrance to the vaginal and is below the clitoris.
In my sex counseling practice, I have all female clients go home and explore their vulvas. To become sexually empowered, it is important for women to understand the parts of their body, how they function, and how they respond to touch. I encourage all of you with vulvas to take a hand mirror and examine your external genitals today.
If you would like to see scientific three-dimensional depictions of the vulva, click here.
Sex Coaching Questions: Am I Normal?
September 2, 2009
One of the frequently asked questions to sexologists is “Am I normal?” Do you:
· want to have sex every day
· not want to have sexual contact
· enjoy being spanked
· want to have sex with the same person your whole life
· fantasize about having sex with someone else when you are with your partner
· want to try a “forbidden” sex act
All of these behaviors are normal. As sexologists we know that anything and everything happens in the bedroom. And we also know that people are not totally truthful when they respond to our survey questions about their sex lives. But individuals always want to know if what they do is in the statistical majority.
More importantly, is that what you do is consensual and gives you sexual pleasure. Instead of wondering what the neighbors are doing behind closed doors, you should be exploring what really turns you on and incorporating it into your sex play.
In a future article, I will talk about how to communicate and negotiate these sexual needs and desires with a partner.
Next week: What is down there and how does it work: Part 1
Warmly,
Dr. Pamela D. Rogers
Sex Coaching Questions: Is it normal to have sexual fantasties?
August 18, 2009
Sexual fantasies may be the most common form of sexual expression (and if not number one, they run a close second to masturbation). While not everyone has sexual fantasies, it’s fair to say that everyone is capable of having sexual fantasies. In this way they are a great sexual equalizer between men and women.
Despite their popularity, sexual fantasies are one of those topics we don’t talk about much. As a result, many have questions about sexual fantasies, and find it hard to get straightforward answers.
In a survey of dozens of academic research articles on sexual fantasy, psychologists Harold Leitenberg and Kris Henning found the following themes among the top sexual fantasies.1) Having sex with your current partner
Some people might be surprised to learn that in survey the most common sexual fantasy was having sex with a partner, but when you think about it, and remember that sexual fantasies aren’t just the over-the-top dream sex you have, but include every time you think about sex and feel aroused, it makes sense that we would think more about the person we’re currently having sex with (hopefully because the sex is memorable).
2) Having sex with a stranger or imaginary lover
This removes the guilt that can be associated with sex. This is more common for women. It represents the sexual partner who will do wonderful things to us unasked and with no romantic or relationship price to pay.
3) Being forced or overpowered, or overpowering someone
With being forced this is more about forceful passionate sex than violent abuse encounter. The amount of force is not usually a lot. It is just enough to get a high level of excitement, without have to take responsibility for the act.
4) Sex with two or more people
Let’s us be more sexually adventurous than we may be in real life.
5) Reliving a previous sexual encounter
6) Different sex positions or locations
Most couples have sex in the same 2 or 3 positions their whole sexual lives. This fantasy relieves sexual boredom. A new place, such as the out of doors, gives the excitement of being naughty.
