Sex Coaching Tip: The Benefits of Sex (Part 2)
January 22, 2010
By: Pamela Rogers
Many of my clients can’t seem to find the time to have sex. Most often they say they are too tired because of their busy lives. Other reasons include differing schedules with a partner, children need taken care of, friends or family are visiting overnight, or just not in the mood. But sexual expression has many positive physical intellectual, emotional, and social benefits. You need to make time for it, just as you would any other activity. Last week I posted some benefits of sexual activity based on scientific reasearch. Here are some additionsl findings that should, hopefully, get you in the mood.
- Regular intimate sexual activity with a partner promotes fertility by regulating menstrual patterns.
- Studies have also shown that the quality of sperm motility decreases with abstinence — in healthy men these declines can take effect after only five days of abstinence.
- Use it or lose it: Women who continue to be sexually active after they reach menopause — either with a partner or through masturbation — are less likely to have significant vaginal atrophy, and are more likely to report sufficient vaginal lubrication.
- Sexual experience and satisfaction are closely correlated with overall quality of life: there is an increase in sense of well being and personal satisfaction.
- Sexual activity is negatively associated with risk and incidence of psychiatric illness, depression, and suicide.
- Sexual activity and orgasm reduces stress.
- Consistent mutual sexual pleasure increases bonding within a relationship.
- Masturbation has also been correlated with greater relational and sexual satisfaction — a study of young married women found that those who reported masturbating also reported greater marital satisfaction.
- It has also been demonstrated that coupled partners have increased relationship satisfaction when they fulfill one another’s sexual desire. Sexual satisfaction is also associated with the stability of relationships.
So now you have no excuses! Whether by yourself or with a partner, make time for sexual play this week.
Warmly,
Dr. Pamela
Sex Coaching Tip: The Benefits of Sex (Part 1)
January 15, 2010
By: Pamela Rogers
Our society tends to be alarmist about sex and emphasizes negative factors such as disease, unwanted pregnancies, and pedophiles. But sex is about pleasure. Sexual expression has many positive physical intellectual, emotional, and social benefits. Here are some interesting (and scientific) research findings.
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People who remain sexually active live longer.
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Being sexually active decreases your chance of having heart disease. This is due to oxytocin which is produced during arousal and orgasm.
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In men, high frequency of ejaculation (more than 21 x per month) decreases risk of prostate cancer.
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Research has shown that sexual activity and orgasm may bolster the immune system in women and men.
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One of the strongest correlates of youthful appearance is an active sex life.
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Sexual activity does burn calories and fat, and it has been suggested that people with active sex lives tend to exercise more frequently and have better dietary habits than those who are less sexually active.
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Likewise, physical fitness can improve sexual health.
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Sexual activity and orgasm during menstruation has a potentially protective effect against endometriosis.
So the next time you hear something negative about sex, remember that there are far more positive and life affirming truths.
Next week, more benefits to “getting it on”.
Warmly,
Dr. Pamela
Sex Coaching Tip: Dear Owner Letter
November 19, 2009
By: Pamela Rogers
Many of us have parts of our body that we dislike, and that can interfere with having a a satisfying sexual experience. One helpful exercise is to write a “Dear Owner” letter to yourself from that body part. Your body part should express how it is being neglected, how it impacts your sex life and what you could do to make it feel more appreciated. And did I mention to use humor. 
Below is an example.
Warmly,
Dr. Pamela
Dear Owner,
Stop turning around and looking at your ass! Look at me! Yes, down here, it’s your feet talking. You haven’t been paying attention to me in weeks. You keep saying you’re going to get a pedicure but you keep putting it off. You have not even put lotion on me for days and I am all rough and calloused.
The reason I bring this up is that although you complain that your stomach, hips, thighs and butt are too fat that doesn’t stop you from being sexual with someone. My condition and appearance tend to be a go/no go decision with you on having sex (kind of like if your legs aren’t shaved or you haven’t put clean sheets on the bed). I know you like to run me up and down your partner’s legs and have your partner massage me and suck on my toes, but you won’t let that happen unless I am soft and supple. Is not taking care of me an avoidance behavior?
Go get a pedicure,
Your Feet.
Sex Coaching Tip: What is the right condom to use?
November 5, 2009
By: Pamela Rogers
We all know the importance of using condoms to avoid getting pregnant and to reduce your chance of getting a sexually transmitted infection. Instead people ask “what is the right condom to use?”. Well now the official answer is ANY of them, with the exception of one. Consumer Reports Health recently randomly sampled over 15,000 latex condoms for strength, reliability, leakage and package integrity. Of the 20 brands tested, seven received a perfect score of 100 which is pretty rare for the strict standards applied by Consumer Report studies.
As all execpt one passed inspection, condom choice is a personal matter. You should try out different ones to see what is most comfortable, easy to put on and pleases you and your partner. Even the most effective condom will not work best unless it is used properly. Here are some tips:
- Place a drop of lubricant in the inside tip of the condom. This will reduce unpleasant friction.
- Carefully open the wrapper with your fingers, not your teeth. This will reduce the chance of tearing the condom.
- Leave a little room at the tip. This provides a place for semen to collect and reduce the chance of breaking.
Also, have fun with condom use. We are more likely to consistently use condoms if it seems playful and part of sex play. Have your partner put it on you, use different colors, or make sexy faces as you open and take it out of the wrapper. If you have any suggestions to make condom use more sexy, please comment!
Click here for the complete story and see what brands fared best and which one you should avoid.
Warmly,
Dr. Pamela
Sex Coaching Tip: Kegel Exercises
October 28, 2009
By: Pamela Rogers
These exercises are designed to strengthen and give you voluntary control over the Pubococcygeus (PC) muscle in both men and women. There is a correlation between good tone in the PC muscle and orgasmic intensity. These exercises can help you to
· Increase your awareness of feelings n your genital area
· Increase blood circulation in the genital area
· Add to your sexual responsiveness
· Aid in restoring vaginal muscle tone after childbirth
· Increase your control over your orgasms.
To find your PC muscle, when you urinate, see if you can start and stop the flow of urine with your legs apart. The PC muscle is the one that stops the flow.
Slow Kegels
Tighten the PC muscle and hold it as you did when you stopped the flow of urine for a slow count of 3. Then relax the muscle.
Quick Kegels
Tighten and relax the muscle as rapidly as you can. At first it will feel like a flutter. You will gradually gain more control.
Repetitions
At first do ten of these exercises (one set) three times a day. (This is a daily exercise). Each week increase a set by five more times. Example: Week 2: 2 exercises x 15 times x 3 times a day. Week 3: 2 exercises x 20 times x 3 times a day.
You will remember to do these exercises if you associate them with some activity – watching TV, talking on the phone or waiting in line.
Your muscles may get tired at first, but that is normal when exercising any new muscle. Just remember to keep breathing naturally.
Common Relationship Counseling Questions 3 – What are your responsibilities to me? My responsibilities to you?
July 27, 2009
My responsibilities to you are:
• To be your guide through the journey
• To empower you to become the sexual being you want to be
• To empower you to overcome any sexual difficulties you may have or fear you have
• To help you reach your sexual/relationship goals and together find results that satisfy youYour responsibilities to me are:
• To be on time for scheduled appointment(s)
• To pay on time
• To provide a comprehensive history on sexual relationships (for individuals or couples)
• To provide a thorough account of expectations and needs of the group (for groups)
• To be authentic and share your truth with me
